If there’s one thing I have learned recently is that no two days are the same, yet they are also somehow identical.
Is this my hormonal brain talking or do I have a point? Actually, I’m not sure but what I am trying to say is that although your bedroom around you looks the same… your husband’s glowy face is still… the same. Your day to day life is generally, the same.
Yet at the same time, life changes in a day.
You’re not the same you that you were yesterday although you don’t really realise it but with each new conversation you have and each new experience you have, you change a little.
Yesterday, I burned the meat and I changed because of it, I learned something. Not only because meat is very expensive in Egypt & there are people who cannot afford to eat it but putting it in the bin made me feel horrible.
Why am I such a useless cook?
Because I’m out of practice, that’s why. I used to think it was in my nature but this mentality is giving up before trying. Granted I wasn’t brought up learning how to cook like some others but that’s no excuse.
I have never really cooked meat before and have never eaten it either, essentially it was my first time to try and cook it. I ruined it but at least I tried. My husband comforted me and told me ‘hassal khair’ i.e what happened was for the good and he wiped away the tears…
It’s true. Everything that happens, good or bad, is for the good. That’s a mentality that you must hold onto. So, next time I cook meat, I will try harder not to burn it and ruin it.
Another thing that I never thought would change is my Imaan. For the first 2 years of my reversion to Islam I was not up and down, I was pretty much on graphical terms, slowly succeeding at a steady pace. I.e growing and learning and improving but over a steady period of time. I never ever thought that graph would change. I certainly never thought that it would decline… but recently, I have to admit that there is a dip in my graph, I don’t know how or when or why it happened or why I feel this feeling…
I still love Islam, Allah, Sunnah & all good things, I still learn, read and pray. I haven’t done anything dramatically haram but I just have a feeling that I am not in the same place as I was for a long time.
Too often nowadays, I hear myself complaining about stupid things, worrying – when I know Allah swt is the Provider and the Protector.
I think hormones has a part to play… I think. But I have to remember, everything I am going through is preparing me for everything I have asked for.
I pray to Allah to elevate us from submission to belief, and from belief to excellence, amen.