Should married couples fight and argue or not?

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A man during a flight to KSA started missing his wife so much that he forced the pilots to make an emergency landing. True Story.
http://life-in-saudiarabia.blogspot.com.eg/2017/04/a-man-during-flight-to-ksa-started.html

Marriage. #Romantic #TrueLove

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Actually, I think my own husband would have a party on the plane at the thought of leaving me for a vacation. Free time with his friends, no harassing phone calls & a week of no moaning nor constant chit chatting.

I’m joking, of course. (Not really) lol.

My point is, marriage’s are not perfect, nor where they meant to be.

Marriage is normal, a part of life, something we all dream about and once you do get hitched you basically sign yourself up to a rollercoaster ride that never ends… literally. When you are at the top of the ride, you are so excited you can’t sleep, so happy you can’t stop smiling, so relaxed you feel invincible and so in love you feel like you never want to lose this person, you feel like you miss them as soon as they leave the home and you feel like you again – when they return home.

That’s one side of marriage. But then the rollercoaster ALWAYS drops and you hit rock bottom…

That’s when you see the ‘ugly’ side. The fights that get out of control and you say the worst things possible to your partner. The psycho inside all of us that comes out during times of stress, frustration or anger. The moments when you can’t eat or sleep properly because you are hurt or have hurt your partner. And that’s just the beginning…

I’m sure there are married couples who get along majority of the time and being angry/frustrated is an emotion just like any other but we have to try our utmost to control ourselves (I am miserably failing) but I will never stop trying.

Even the very best of creation had some marital issue’s let’s take a look at the best marriage to ever be decreed:

The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) once said to Sayyidah Aisha (radiallahu anha) : “I know well when you are pleased or angry with me. Aisha replied: How you know that? He said: When you are pleased with me you swear by saying “By the God of Mohammad” but when you are angry you swear by saying “By the God of Ibrahim”. She said: You are right, I don’t mention your name.”

Without reading and studying the translation of this Hadith, (meaning this is simply my own opinion and doesn’t necessarily reflect Islam) I feel like I love Aisha (radiallahu anha) I relate to her. She, without a doubt, loved Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) whole-heartedly and for the sake of Allah.

Then there is the story of Imam Ahmad who gets 10/10 for Marriage goals from me. After the death of his wife Umm Salih, Imam Ahmad (RA) – used to praise her. He once said, “In the thirty years she was with me, we never had a single word of disagreement.”

Subhan’Allah.

But there are other blessed people of Prophet Muhammad’s (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) Ummah, who clearly had some arguments and not every moment was blissful.

It is reported that a man came to ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattab (radia Allahu anhu) to complain about his wife’s ill-temper.

While he was waiting for ‘Umar to come out of his house, he heard ‘Umar’s wife scolding him and ‘Umar quietly listening to her, and not answering her back.

The man turned around and started walking away, muttering to himself: “If that is the case with ‘Umar, the leader of the believers, who is famous for his uprightness and toughness, then what about poor me?!”

At that moment, ‘Umar came out of his house and saw the man walking away.

He called him and said, “What is it you want of me, O man?”

The man replied: “O leader of the believers, I came to complain to you about my wife’s bad-temper and how she nags me. Then I heard your wife doing the same to you, so I turned around, muttering to myself, ‘If that is the situation of the leader of the believers,then what about me?’”

‘Umar replied, “O my brother, I bear with her because of her rights over me. She cooks my food, bakes my bread, washes my clothes, breast-feeds my child… and yet none of these are her duty; and then she is a comfort to my heart and keeps me away from forbidden deeds. Consequently, I bear with her.”

The man said,“It is the same with me, O leader of the believers.”‘

Umar said: Then, O my brother, be patient with her, indeed this life is short.

[Adh-Dhahabi, Al-Kaba’ir194]

Marriage… the strangest thing in the world. You choose a person to marry, have kids and spend every second of your free time with. Granted free time is scarce nowadays with so much to do but being married is sharing a life with one person, sharing a future in sha Allah, a past and the present. Sometimes, it feels like you want to run full speed into that person, knock them down and maybe elbow drop them a few times to release the tension but instead you just play it in your heard, seek refuge from Shaytan and try to control your temper. (Or is that just me?!)

Then there are moments you are together and you feel elated and so magnificently happy. You feel like Allah chose the best person in the whole world for you and one compliment or good word from them is enough to make you cry of happiness. You literally feel the blessing of marriage and having a person to talk to, be with and share everything.

And then the feelings of remorse, anger and resentment come in…

And again you feel excruciatingly happy, overwhelmed and in love again…

Up and down the rollercoaster…

It’s a constant mix of emotions, a constant struggle to remain focused on the goal: Jannah. A constant struggle to please your partner, knowing that it pleases Allah.

“Oh my sister, you are tranquillity for your husband, he lives under your warm embrace, seeks safety and relief from you, confides in you his secret and he forgets his worries once he reaches the door. So live with him in tranquillity.”

– Badr Bin Ali Al-Utaybee, 20 pieces of advice To My Sister Before Her Marriage. P.15

Bottom line is marriage = work. Sometimes my marriage requires more effort and patience than my job which entails looking after 14×3 year old’s and sometimes it feels like I am the most luckiest woman in the world.

May Allah bless all marriage’s and make us the coolness of our partner’s eyes. Ameen.

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5 thoughts on “Should married couples fight and argue or not?

    • Shukrallah says:

      Really? REALLY? I tried to be as honest as I can in my post about my opinion on married life (everyone’s naturally will be different) so I thought it might actually put some people off lol?!

      I hope you do get married to a beautiful soul who reflects your own & that he is a source of happiness in your life. Keep praying to Allah ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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