Marry the man that will set a perfect example and be the best role model you wish your children to grow up with. This is the secret to finding the right man, a man of sunnah. His actions will speak for himself. Look to him and see if in a husband like that you find the father you want for your children.
Don’t worry about the wedding, the home, his social class or his bank account. All of these things are temporary, artificial and about as fragile as a chandelier hanging on a piece of string. Not very reliable when things are not going ‘right’…
Think about our weddings. The huge dowry that has to be paid. The hiring of halls, the slick suits, the beautiful dresses, the super cars, the DJ, the banquet of food, the sweets, the invitations, the money, the honeymoon, the flashiness and the swag.
Sayyiduna ‘Ali lived very simply and did not have money so he sold his armour in order to pay for Sayyidah Fatimah’s dowry. The guests were given some meat, milk, dates and fruits. As a wedding gift for her home, she was given a pillow of leather filled with fibres of palm tree, a few vessels, a water skin, a simple bed made from palm tree branches, and a sheepskin for her to sleep upon.
She is the Queen of paradise and the daughter of the one who was granted the treasues of the world, yet things were so simple, but no one ever saw a people more dignified, beautiful and loyal in marriage. Their love was so great that we still learn from them 1400 years later. رضي الله عنهما”
We shouldn’t get married to a person just because they look good, have money or seem easy to boss around. Get married to someone who you feel can lead you to Allah, to someone who compliments your lifestyle, and to someone who will stand by you no matter what happens in life: even if you are broke and living on the streets.
— Shaykh Mohammed Aslam
Living on the streets… Allah is my witness that if it was not for His grace and the generosity of some family members, I would have been effectively living on the street as a fairly recent ‘newlywed.’ For months we lived on a mattress in a living room, we did without shampoo, new clothes, eating at nice restaurants. We went from having a comfortable life doing many things to sacrificing and living with basics.
This is not a sad story, this is reality. This is a test from Allah. Sometimes He tests us with loss of wealth, loss of health, loss of loved ones and each day I stood for Fajr prayer I Thanked Him for making it an easy one (loss of wealth).
What’s the point in having a fancy, luxurious home? A butler to clean your home, a selection of posh cars to drive around and a designer wardrobe to cover your skin when you don’t have a marriage of morals? A marriage of happiness, decency and loyalty…
“It is better for a woman to be single than to marry an oppressive, abusive man who makes her life an intolerable misery.”
– Mufti Ismail Menk
And last of all, don’t just think of marrying this person for you, to please yourself and your own desires but remember this person will one day, in sha Allah be the mum or dad to your unborn child. That unborn child, has a right over you to choose a good spouse in order to have a good upbringing… and a pretty face does not always ensure to be a good role model for your children.
And most of all, don’t worry at all about finding your husband-to-be. If he is written for you, by the Will of Allah, he will find you on earth no matter how far. You could be from the West and he is from the East and if Allah wills, He will find a way for you to meet.