6 Secrets to a Happy Marriage:

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You.
It will always be you.
If I had the choice between you and a million things I’ve always wanted, I would choose you every single time. Thank you for inspiring me every day… 

1. Be Yourself

So many women make the mistake of trying to fit in. Trying to please people whether that’s their husband, their new family of in-law’s. Sisters they meet or colleagues. Allah orders us to obey him at the discretion of others, regardless of who they are and know that anything we place more value above Allah will be the cause of our misery, in the end. Be brave enough to be you. To be crazy, spontaneous, shy, funny, creative, loud, quiet, smart, silly, happy, sad, emotional. To be yourself in a world that’s constantly trying to change you is one of the hardest things in the world but that noise becomes quieter and quieter until you can barely heard the more you raise your hands and say, AllahuAkbar standing before Allah swt…

2. Give each other space

Allah’s Messenger (Salla’Allaahu Alayhi wa Salam) said,

“Love the one whom you love in moderation, for the day may come when you have to hate that one (for the sake of Allah). And hate the one whom you hate in moderation, for the day may come when you have to love that one (for the sake of Allah).

[AtTirimidhi]

For most people, this is difficult. Personally we don’t spend more than a night apart. Ever. For any reason and God forbid we will never have to in the future. Basically, family comes first and as husband and wife – you are family. You are each other’s #1. But that doesn’t mean there’s no space for numbers 2,3,4 & 5. There’s plenty of space, time and love for all. Try not to be selfish and keep your husband all to yourself. After all, he has other responsibilities and people to look after for Allah… encourage him and your world will be brighter.

3. Support each other

He  sacrificed his full youth for you by working late at night without any complaint. Even if there’s not enough money as you would like, be grateful & look after him on the days he’s not working. Encourage him and watch him grow. Be his best friend not his enemy. Greet him at the door with As Salamu alaikum and pray to Allah when he leaves to keep him safe, another day.

When Ali offered a marriage proposal to Fatimah, the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, :

She is yours if you treat her with the best company.”

4. Stay positive

Trust me there will be times when you feel like giving up. During times of anger you might even threaten divorce. Firstly, try to control your anger. Anger comes from Shaytan. Secondly, when you make mistakes – just like you repent to Allah – try to make it up to your partner. Mercy, mercy, mercy.

Mercy is so much more important than love. Love is a feeling, mercy is a choice. Mercy others if you expect Allah to mercy you.

How grateful I am for our paths to cross. How blessed I am to have you in my life. How honoured I am, to be yours and spend this journey with you.

5. Don’t let Fitnah in

Alhamdulillah Who has made you for me and made me for you. Alhamdulillah a million times.

Barely a prayer goes by where I don’t ask Allah to increase you in Fear of Him and protect you from Fitnah. Fitnah is everywhere and it is so dangerous. As a Muslimah, I do my best to cover my aura, not to show-off my blessings and to live simply for the sake of Allah. I don’t want to invite envy or negative feelings into my life. A simple, quiet life is a happy life. Don’t expose yourself or your home to anyone, not even those closest to you. When you need to make decisions, talk to Allah. Talk to your husband. Try and resolve things together & do not break a heart that considers you its most precious treasure.

6. Dream together & Pray together

‏حي على الصلاة

Come to salah

حي على الفلاح

Come to success

It’s not about finding a perfect husband, a rich husband or a laidback husband. It’s about finding someone who loves you but loves Allah more. Who adores you, but adores following the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet (Salla’Allaahu Alayhi wa Salam) more. Who would do anything for you, but will not accept haram. Who will look after you but won’t neglect his Deen.

Abu Sa’eed Al-Khudri (Radhi Allahu Anhu) reported:

The Messenger of Allah (Salla’Allaahu Alayhi wa Salam) said,

“Verily, those who love each other will look at their rooms in Paradise as if they were brilliant stars in the east or west. It will be said: Who are these? They will reply: These people loved each other for the sake of Allah the Exalted.”

This sounds crazy, but when someone is looking to get married, it is possible that they will end up getting divorced. I know no one gets married thinking they will get get divorced, but our emotional feelings for someone whether it be looks or personality trumps any rational way we think. And this is why the Islamic way of approaching marriage is so amazing as it makes you think rationally and not emotionally about who you choose to marry, due to the limited contact you have with them. It’s sets itself in between the dating path or arranged marriage paradigm that are both flawed. Let’s get this straight, marriage is a gamble, it doesn’t matter how much you know a person, you can fall out of love. So when you approach marriage in a way of pleasing Allah, He will bless your marriage – He is the creator of love and emotion. Some Muslims think by dating a potential spouse, they are protecting themselves from divorce. If that was the case, why do half of Non-Muslim marriages end up in divorce. It is a huge fallacy to think you will have a successful marriage this way. And Muslims date and get ditched the guy ditches you cos he wasn’t after marriage. He’s not gonna marry someone he’s going to be dating because he’s after a sister who doesn’t date. This is the hypocrisy of some brothers that sisters don’t get. Sisters, if there’s a guy who’s dating you, promising you he will marry you and he just wants to get to know you better. He’s a wolf.

– Ustadh Asif Uddin

❤

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